Saturday, November 6, 2010

DRUGS......


The Chemo should be out of the system by now.
I'm starting to drop the anti-anxiety drugs by half.  Daytime anti-anxiety drug does nothing so the daytime anxiety must be about gone.  I can take full breaths without yawning; that's sort of my clue.  The week of Chemo, I had to yawn to get a full breath.

Nighttime anxiety is a little more aggressive.  I've cut the drug in half and wake up several times with my mind in a dark place.  It takes concentration to get back to sleep.  The dreams are dark;  I've made a real effort to to recall them - challenge them - if they can be that dark, surely, I should be able to remember them, but, no.  Although, this morning, I did catch one enough to know that it was about work.  Couldn't hang onto it. 

I had already stopped one drug cold turkey because I ran out and was in Long Beach.  The nurse said, "No, no, you can't stop that one cold turkey!".  I said, "Well, I already did and I'm still here."  She said, "Refill, start again and let the oncologist take you off it."  Oh, gee, okay.  I don't get what could have happened by stopping cold turkey.  I'm getting sick of these drugs and want them gone, except the ones I like. 

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