RADIATION UPDATE......

Well, it's been a couple weeks, granted broken up by Thanksgiving and weekends.  Still, it's beginning to make the left breast a little sunburned.  I'm using the aloe roll daily, and the spermy, soothing, balm.  So far, I'm not uncomfortable or sore.  I "feeeeeel" some warmth on the left breast.

I do enjoy the treatment itself, rather "spa-ish", with the warm blanket and the TLC given by the nurses.

I have been tattoo'd in spots on the neck, chest, arms, just little "x" marks so they can line my body up in the machine to keep the radiation beams from sawing off a leg.  It's ususally two women, or a man and a woman who almost knead me like a ball of dough until I'm situated correctly on this metal bed with warm blankets, then I CANNOT MOVE, PERIOD!  I moved once just to see what would happen and they yelled from afar, "DON'T MOVE!" - I don't know where they were but they sure weren't near me, maybe in a control room or something.

I'm getting very testy with the whole system.  If they say I can't have a later appointment, I tell them to refer me out to someplace else that can meet my needs, and they magically find the time available for me.  (I'm getting a feeling of favoritism in this place - it is classy and they probably have special people who get special care but I've decided to blast their system open till I'm one of the special people who get special care). 

This system  is such that I could not go back to the surgeon who removed the Port which has been a "f'd" up mess and scaring me.  The surgeon's staff told me that
 the protocol is to go to my primary care physician.  At that moment, the pin came out of the grinade and I unloaded on them that their surgeon did the work, it's a mess, and he's going to be the one to look at it and my primary care physician doesn't care what the hell it looks like; she doesn't even know what it is - so, now we are best friends.  They even ask me what channel I want to watch in the waiting room, and the surgeon I got to see was stellar, he gave me his business card with his cell number and said call anytime I'm uncomfortable.  The Port is really ugly and itchy and sore but that's because my body was traumatized by it, has a very deep bruise, I'm allergic to "bandaids" in that area, and it will just take some time.

You have to YELL and SCREAM to get the basic care.  I have the feeling it's "here", however, it may be all over too.  They just do what they have to do and are not accustomed to being questioned about their work.  And, I'm not real impressed with ANYONE I've encountered during this "journey."

There are sooooo many people in Las Vegas, and soooooo many people in the cancer/chemo/radiation journey.  We're all just ants and the loudest squeeking ant gets the grease.  I'll be glad when this is over and I can get into something else.

Lead in......I went to a Fung Shui class at KB Homes Wedesday.  They put on free seminars all the time for agents and Fung Shui is monsterously big here due to all the asians.  The home builders are building homes with the FS needs or they won't sell.  I found it fascinating, so much so that it shook me to me core and I came home and laid down for a couple hours.  I'm going to continue with the courses.  It's not just about houses, it's about your life, your choices, your decisions on what directions to take and the results, the way you're in-flow with energy and things come easy, or the way you're out-of-flow with energy and kind of swimming upstream.  Very interesting.

EYEBROWS AND LESBIAN HAIR!!

A couple nights ago, I tried to rub smudges off my face and discovered the smudges were hundreds of eyebrows.  Hundreds!  Ahhhhh, I can't believe it!  It makes such a difference, just those little things.

Couple eyelashes coming in too.  I don't know why they're so slow.

Lesbian hair will be my first haircut and it'll probably be Feb '11.

My natural color "now" seems to be pure white.

I will not be as cute as this lesbian.

At my workout the other day, while on a machine with my legs stretched out in front, I noticed a ton of hairs and it was almost embarassing.

Chris, my trainer, said, "Well, Merry Christmas JoAnn."

The Wig

Radiation begins......

Started radiation Wednesday.

Machine broke down Thursday.

Resumed Friday.

I get a CT scan first, then the radiation.

Takes about 13 minutes altogether.

I walk in, hand the guy my ID, slip into

the dressing room, change from the

waist up, go sit in a chair, they call me,

I lay down on the machine, they push

and pull till I'm in there right, then the

bed moves halfway into the donut.

It sounds like I'm laying in the middle

of a kid's choo choo train track. 

It sounds like a little choo choo train is

going round and round and round.

They said the effect is cumulative and I'll get more and more tired as we go. 

This picture is of a different type machine than I go into.  It's close enough.

My appt is 4:20 every weekday.  I cannot wear deodorant or skin lotion.  I said, "Why not."

They said, "Because you'll catch on fire." 

Port was Removed Monday

The Port came out Monday.
It wasn't what I thought.
It was plastic and a "skinny" hose about a foot and a half long, went up my arm and down into my chest.  Phew, glad that stupid thing is gone.

It was kind of interesting.
As I was walking down the corridor to get to the in/out surgery room, everybody kept saying "congratulations, congratulations."  I guess "getting the Port out is a milestone."

Energy is returning. 

Wow, my wig sure looks better than this hair. 

Start radiation next Wednesday.  It'll probably last till the first week of January, then I'm freeeeeee.  Actually,
I'll start a pill that will last 5 years.  I think that's all.

DRUGS......

The Chemo should be out of the system by now.
I'm starting to drop the anti-anxiety drugs by half.  Daytime anti-anxiety drug does nothing so the daytime anxiety must be about gone.  I can take full breaths without yawning; that's sort of my clue.  The week of Chemo, I had to yawn to get a full breath.

Nighttime anxiety is a little more aggressive.  I've cut the drug in half and wake up several times with my mind in a dark place.  It takes concentration to get back to sleep.  The dreams are dark;  I've made a real effort to to recall them - challenge them - if they can be that dark, surely, I should be able to remember them, but, no.  Although, this morning, I did catch one enough to know that it was about work.  Couldn't hang onto it. 

I had already stopped one drug cold turkey because I ran out and was in Long Beach.  The nurse said, "No, no, you can't stop that one cold turkey!".  I said, "Well, I already did and I'm still here."  She said, "Refill, start again and let the oncologist take you off it."  Oh, gee, okay.  I don't get what could have happened by stopping cold turkey.  I'm getting sick of these drugs and want them gone, except the ones I like. 

"Peach Fuzz".....

Finally.....peach fuzz.
After a shower, I usually just keep going, make-up, wig, the usual stuff.  The oncologist's nurse said not to expect hair for a couple months.

This morning, my head looked different so I ran my hands over it.  I always "wash" it and "condition" it and after a shower, I always "brush" it, even though there's nothing there.  I just want to keep it in the habit of the attention. 

My hands felt a complete coating of hair; it's pure white, about 1/4" long, maybe not quite, seems real dense.  It all points forward for now, hope it doesn't stay that way.

I was just happy to see it.

No new eyelashes or eyebrows yet.  Taking care of the ones I have, which are few but there's still something to work off of.