The Last Post

In the last week or so, I've had a mammogram, ultrasound, pap test, oncology appt with exam, results of blood and urine test, phew....... and there's no sign of anything.  Most everything is better than before.

The next appointment will be with the oncologist and it'll be in 6 months.

The medications taken during the "journey" are done and gone.

Balance is returning, taste, breathing, eyebrows, hair - the sweet tooth is done and gone. 

Happy Trails to You - Thanks for accompanying me on the Journey
Thank you for your thoughtfulness, gifts, surprises, cards, love, support -
It was so special to be with you in such an intimate way

This Blog is Closed

RADIATION "RASH"

The "rash" is my cross to bear in the radiation "journey." 
Some people's nipple goes crooked, some people's breast gets beat up.
I have Gorbechov's birthmark on my chest.



The radiation mark on my chest looks about like Mr. Gorbachev's head thing.
Since I couldn't find a picture of a radiation burn, I thought this would do.
They're about the same, although I doubt he puts Cortizone.10 cream on his spot.

I put this Cortizone.10 cream on the Gorbi spot, which is about 2"x 3" and itches.  After being led to Walmart by everyone I know here, and buying one of everything on the shelf, this is the magic bullet.  I have to apply it about 3 times, very thick, before the itching and burning finally goes away.  The cream is on everything, scarves, night gowns, bathrobes. 

This is just the way it will be till February when it's all over.  Actually, the treatments will be over mid-January but it will take some time for the big mess left behind to go away.  

WHALE BLUBBER

I don't like radiation.  I don't know what's going on in there, what it's doing, what the side affects are.  I do know that everything tastes and feels like whale blubber, with the exception of Trader Joe's single size microwave popcorn with about 3 tablespoons of melted butter poured over it.  I made brownies - they tasted like beef.  There is just a backdraft that takes over when something goes in my mouth.   It doesn't matter what goes in - the backdraft takes over and everything tastes the same or worse.

This isn't Trader Joe's but I'm sure it's good anyway.
Trader Joe's just fits nicely into one of those Rubbermaid tall containers, holds the butter
and sits in the car and stays put.

Radiation begins......

Started radiation Wednesday.

Machine broke down Thursday.

Resumed Friday.

I get a CT scan first, then the radiation.

Takes about 13 minutes altogether.

I walk in, hand the guy my ID, slip into

the dressing room, change from the

waist up, go sit in a chair, they call me,

I lay down on the machine, they push

and pull till I'm in there right, then the

bed moves halfway into the donut.

It sounds like I'm laying in the middle

of a kid's choo choo train track. 

It sounds like a little choo choo train is

going round and round and round.

They said the effect is cumulative and I'll get more and more tired as we go. 

This picture is of a different type machine than I go into.  It's close enough.

My appt is 4:20 every weekday.  I cannot wear deodorant or skin lotion.  I said, "Why not."

They said, "Because you'll catch on fire." 

"Peach Fuzz".....

Finally.....peach fuzz.
After a shower, I usually just keep going, make-up, wig, the usual stuff.  The oncologist's nurse said not to expect hair for a couple months.

This morning, my head looked different so I ran my hands over it.  I always "wash" it and "condition" it and after a shower, I always "brush" it, even though there's nothing there.  I just want to keep it in the habit of the attention. 

My hands felt a complete coating of hair; it's pure white, about 1/4" long, maybe not quite, seems real dense.  It all points forward for now, hope it doesn't stay that way.

I was just happy to see it.

No new eyelashes or eyebrows yet.  Taking care of the ones I have, which are few but there's still something to work off of.


 

Visit to the Radiologist

Went in yesterday and got tattoo'd.  They put marks where they want my body part to line up on their metal table so the radiation beams can shoot straight when they flip the switch.  Apparently, the beams shoot from across the room.  I feel so "007" - too bad this stupid computer wouldn't let me drag a photo of James Bond.

They're aiming, well, you know where.   

About the heart, the beams should well miss the heart.  And, everything else.   That's all I really cared about.  They say my breast/armpit/shoulder will be sunburned, nipple won't be happy.  I could give a shit.  I can drink coffee now. 

By January, this part will be done, then I'll be on a pill for 5 years that's supposed to suck the estrogen out of my body.  My body has been sucked of estrogen since I was in my late 40's.  If there is any estrogen left, I'll be real surprised. 

They did a CT scan yesterday, lots of measuring, and will design the plan that will be done daily for about 6 - 8 weeks. 

I had a really cool picture of beams shooting across the room, right into breasts, but my POS computer won't even bring them up.

Well, upon second try, it worked.
I guess they're lungs, not breasts. 
Pretty, huh.

But, that's how it works.  From across the room, they beam the spots. 

Today is Thusday, 10/21.  The last treatment was Monday, 10/11.  I woke up ready to get up and go.  Usually, I have to allow my mind to surface through many layers. Not today.  It takes about a week and a half for the chemo to apparently not attack me anymore.  The deep desire for See's candy is just blah now.  Good thing, it's almost gone.  I'm back to buying Jalapano potato chips - they have the best at the Cancer Institute - go figure.  I don't know if I'll have the Starbuck's desire now.  They do have marvelous potato chips and the clerk said their buttered popcorn is the best.  I'll have to give it a go.

Have to get some vitamin E and some Aloe now; that's ALL they said will work on the radiation burns.

Correct me if I'm wrong - for vitamin E - do I just buy a bottle of capsules and cut off the end and squeeze it out, onto the sore???

Anybody know?

Appointment with the Radiation Dr and Nurse



I'll probably go back 10/25 for the results of her "plan of action."  At that time, I can look at their calendar and pick a time that will be my time till the end of the year.  For those days I miss during the holidays, they tack them onto the end.  It'll either be 6 or 8 weeks, 5 days a week. 

Left Breast Tumor Area Gets Radiation



                         





She said, the more water I drink, the more the chemo will leave the system and the faster the hair and nails will grow back in.  She said Chemo will hang around a long time if I don't drink water.



She also said Aloe is about the only thing that will relieve the symptoms of radiation.  Don't waste money on creams, just use Aloe. 

The whole daily process, from walking in to walking out, should only take 30 minutes, that includes undressing and dressing.  I'll lay on a hard table, arms up over the head and then it only takes a minute for the radiation thing to hit its target.  The only side affects are to the areas themselves and it could be okay or it could be real bad (burning).  I really don't give a shit.  What will be will be, said Doris Day.









They'll target the left lymph node area since that's where one was positive.
They'll also target the area on the shoulder between the shoulder and
the neck because that's where cancer jumps next.

February of '11, I'll return to the Cardiologist to see if the Chemo or
Radiation did
any damage to my heart.  I saw him about 6 weeks ago and he seemed
to think I was navigating pretty well.  The Radiation should stay well
away from the heart. 

That's all I know for now and this computer is making me nuts; can't get anything to stay where I put it, changes colors on me, I just give up on the damned thing.

The Last Treatment - They All Said Happy Graduation

Well, it's finally here.  Today went fast for me, although it dragged for Fred.  We not only had the treatment which takes about 3 hours but also the vitals, the blood draw, and the meeting with the oncologist's nurses. 

They said the green pea thing probably just stopped the blood from flowing in the tips of the nails which made them discolor and separate from the skin.  Fortunately, it's only the front half and it'll grow out.  I just keep layers and layers of polish on them. 

I spent the whole time on the computer this treatment time.  All 3 hours.  Trying to find urban lofts for a lady moving here from Long Beach.  Not easy to find. 



Left hand painted



Right hand not painted,
the front half has
lifted off the skin.





I guess this is the
left hand again.
Oh well.
Painted.



Left hand,
That black spot has grown
way out.  It started half
way back.



So much for sticking your fingers into bags of frozen peas. 

I felt good enough to cook dinner tonight, but after the Neulasta shot tomorrow, may let Fred go to Panda Express.

Tomorrow at 10:30, I have an appointment with the Radiation doctor to get up to speed on that.   According to my Oncologist, the radiation should start the first of November and end by the end of the year. 

My nails want to grow, I can tell.  My hair can start to grow now.  This gastly chemical can fade away.  The sugar craving can go away, although my blood sugar was 117 this morning after eating breakfast which isn't that bad.  My ankles are swollen from the steroids, my cheeks are pretty pink from the steroids and I'm up at 10:00PM writing on this blog because of the steroids.  I have to take two more pills tomorrow, am and afternoon.  That's it.

I'm heading back to Dr Milne for a vitamin drip - although I have to say that Trader Joe's EMERGEN-C has kept my spirits and energy pretty high.  I got turned onto that from a lady in Pilates class who went through chemo too.  She said it worked for her so I bought some. 

Enough for tonight.

Thanks for staying with me during this chemical journey. 

Next stage is recovery.

Then, radiation.  I'll be doing the Milne vitamin drip and the Hyperbaric Oxygen thing to tackle the radiation's attempt to kill me.




COFFEE.....Update....Good News!!!

I've been researching "coffee and cancer" on the Internet. 

Lots of sites say Coffee is a cancer killer.  Cancer hates coffee, and the more the merrier, at least that's what I read all over the Internet last night.   

All over the Internet, latest data 4/10.  Cancer hates coffee.  And, get this, 4 cups a day is not a bad thing.  I couldn't do it but for those who can - bombs away!  They say use honey, I use Agave.  It works twofold.  It's made by bees and is a natural allergy shot.  So, drink coffee with Agave nectar in it and kill two WMD's with one drink.  Or, honey.


I would have had a regular cup of coffee as the photo for this post but my computer wouldn't let me access attachments.  This computer may not make it through this chemo "journey."  It gets stuck and I have to kill it and start over.  Actually, it's an Apple laptop I'm working on that has Internet Explorer.  It's a very good machine but only when it wants to work.  It can take two hours to complete a simple post.  By that time, I'm pissed, not composed like one should be on Chemo.  Had to drop it and go to Pilates and grill the thies and core.  Everything's okay now and the computer is going to live.

I don't know that it's smart to go to the gym and grill body parts.  Michael Douglas just seems to be laying on the couch.  Although, that Johns Hopkins article did say to grill your body to the point you're breathing deeply; that's the oxygen that the cancer hates. 

We saw The Lion King last night; ate at Border Grill.  Nice night.  Cute play.  Border Grill has some dynomite Margarita's but this was not the week so I drank pretty water.  Man, there were some LARGE people at the Border Grill.  Bigger than I've ever seen. 

The Peas

Two Bags, one for each hand, for AN HOUR, and we'll see if it does any good for the finger nails or not.
Towards the end, it got easier because the ice was gone and the peas were not as cold. 

The Cytoxin is dripping now.  It takas an hour.  Then I get a clean out drip for 20 minutes, then we're outa here.  Only one more to go.  I can't believe it.  It will be interesting to see if the sweet tooth comes to and end.

Chemo Treatment #5

Just got the Benedryl and am starting to feel woozy.
The steroids and anti-nausia are next.  Then, the Taxotere and I'll stick my fingers in the frozen peas.
The peas are in a small cooler with ice.  Kind of like we're medics carrying some torn off body part or something. 

I asked the nurse to advise me when she starts with Taxotere and told her why.  She said she had one patient with real long pretty hair that insisted in wearing a frozen cap on her head during the whole treatment so she could keep her hair.  She would have to keep packing it with ice.  It worked but she had headaches. 

I don't look like this lady in the photo.  Of course, I don't have a great head of hair.  I'm wearing my chemo dress.  Bought it at JJill specifically for chemo day.

It's a very long, orange, sleeveless tank top that's really a long dress.  My head gear is a jungle flowery, very colorful, thing that just slips on my head and it has long tails in the back that I make a big bow out of.  Hoop earrings, a bracelet from JoAnna Chu, who sits next to me at work and some sox.  I also have a big straw hat from Nordi's for the outside.  I am very "uptown" at the chemo place.  I wear the same thing every treatment day.  It's my chemo outfit. 

They say my potassium is a tad low so they're waiting on the Taxotere till they get the okay.  I have to eat more baked potatos and avacados.  Heck, that's easy.  Even Vons has great baked potato soup.  They didn't say I'd have to eat more Haagen Daz vanilla chocolate chip ice cream - they must have forgotten.  Good think I remembered.  They did say more milk.  That's how I take my milk.

For some reason, I have a sweet tooth during this chemo "journey."  Before, I just didn't even think about it.  I was always a salt freak.  Quite the opposite now.  I went to Whole Foods yesterday and bought two pints of Mint Choc Chip Gelato, and one pint of Haagen Daz vanilla chocolate chip ice cream.  Haazen Daz has way more chips, big ones.  But, this particular Gelato has tunnels of chips that you just have to keep digging and digging and pretty soon, it's all gone.  Oh, then it's also time to fix something for dinner. 

Time for the Taxotere - bye.

#5 Blood Draw and Meeting with the Oncologist

9:40 today was the blood draw - 5 viles out of the Port in the arm.  Then they run it through a spinning machine which generates a report.  However, I actually got in to see the oncologist before the blood test was done. 

Everything seems okay.  We went over the "hives" episode.  It's a mystery, although he said do the aggressive working out on the third week and lay low on the first week.  Just too much crap in my system that first week. 

So, I'm set to go for Treatment #5 on Monday.   That evening is also the "support group".  I may go just for the heck of it.  I was so blown away by the griping and wining, I'd kind of like to see who's bald this time.

Feeds Four!

I'm getting good at making the pre-treatment Penne Pasta Casseroles (2) in the cheap-o aluminum tins, the ones that are about 4" wide, 8" long and real tall.  I like to stack stuff in there pretty good.  Trader Joe's 3-cheeses sauce, ground sausage, Provolone slices, grated Mozzarella, olives, just jam it all in there.  Don't cook the Penne all the way though.  It's going to finish off it's cooking in the oven.  I stick two of then in the freezer.  Fred is getting good at putting one in the oven at 350, then before it's done, he takes some out, puts it on plates and finishes it off in the microwave.  It's real gooey.  I have several "chemo-quick recipes". 

After this #5 treatment, I don't think I'll care anymore.  The chemo monster has done it's job and I'm not scared of it anymore.  I even sleep through the night off and on, no waking up to crap dreams that cause crap thoughts that keep me awake all night.  No more fears of getting into vacant houses in 109 degree heat.  After #5, I'll be a lame duck chemo-chick with one more to go.

Quack Quack!!!

WOKE UP FEELING GOOOOOOD TODAY!!!

The hives finally subsided Wednesday and by Thursday, I was waking up clean.  Fortunately, I didn't have anything to do so I just took my anti-anxiety meds in the morning with a cup of coffee to get it going, sat out in the shade with Scatter and rubbed some lotion on my legs.  Read cooking magazines, ripped out good recipes, shopped, cooked some bitchen grub and went into the office daily but about 1:00 and only for a couple hours.  I think that's going to be my new routine. 

I had to go into the institute Tuesday afternoon for a blood draw.  I asked the nurse what would have caused the hives and she said chemo doesn't cause hives.  Well, so much for that. 

My next appt with the oncologist is Friday, 9/17.  I have an appt with Chris the trainer on Thursday, the day before.  I may very well push the envelope and punch that punching bag again on Thursday.  Then, if that caused the stirring up inside which caused the hives, I'll be able to see the oncologist, don't know why that matters..   I just think it was the sirring up from the activity on post-chemo week.  And, that chemo does cause a lot of stuff; what the heck does that nurse know. 

My gut feeling is, post-chemo week should be laid low, low energy output.  Mid-chemo week, the energy can start to accelerate and by the end of mid-chemo week, coffee tastes good and I can breathe again.  Pre-chemo week it's kick-ass time.  That's next week.  Yay!!!!!

Saturday, 9/4, was BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAAAAD!

It just got worse from Friday afternoon on.

About 5:00 Friday, after the movie and before dinner, I started developing rashes, hives, welts, spots. I blew it off and went to our favorite Mexican restaurant. By the time we got home, I was miserable. Fred pulled out all his medicines and one seemed to work. Then I took a Benedryl capspule, drank some Benedryl cough syrup and by the morning was okay to go to 24 Hour. The workout seemed to sweat out a lot of stuff.

This workout was, as promised by Chris the trainer, about 20 minutes on a punching bag. He tought me how to hold my hands in the gloves and where to punch. Get this, by the time I had to sign out for the day, my right hand for signing was smooth. The tingling on the fingers wasn't there. We decided to make it part of the workout. It's more exhausting than the regular workout but it seems to get blood flowing in the hands.

So many of the exercises are hanging onto grips but the punching bag is just plowing the heck out of whatever is on my mind. He makes me do it for a full minute then stop for a couple minutes. He keeps yelling, "harder, harder, harder, I want to see a hole in that bag." So, I punch and punch in 3's. I understand why professionals wind up hugging the bag. At about 45 seconds, I'm hugging the bag. I think he may be onto something that benefits Chemo Hands. We're going to work on it some more.Chemo hands are tingly, weird feeling finger tips that have a hard time buttoning clothes and just being in general on-target. The results of this exercise blew us both away.

Back to Saturday hives. After returning home from 24 Hour, at about 11Am, I did my usual sit down and eat a couple containers of watermelon. Then some leftover enchilada. The hives started coming back. My inner thies were just one big blister. It kept spreading into my armpits, back of my knees. I decided to go to one of the walk-in emergency clinics. After about an hour and a half of waiting, I finally got in. By the time I was seen, my whole back was one big hive, all the way around my sides, down my bum, all over the legs, the stomach, ears. I was sitting in that doctor's waiting room acting like a nut in "One Flew Over the Coocoo's Nest." I got a Steriod shot in the left rear cheek, picked up 3 more prescriptions. My prescription list is starting to look like the Constitution. Fortunately, they come and go. One is for more Prednisone, which I just finished 8/1. One is for an anti-histamine and one is for some stomach acid. Blah, blah, blah. I'm quite sure it's the Tatotere that I'm probably allergic to. All this was recorded by the Dr on duty at the Nevada Cancer Institute and was sent to my oncologist who I'll probably hear from on Tuesday.

This morning, Sunday, the hives were on my knees, legs, feet, and a tiny bit on my face. Thanks to Fred, he went out last night and got some Caladryl Clear which seems to work. It's taken a couple hours but my knees and feet have cleared up.

I don't know what the result of this will be when the 3-day weekend is over but I'm expecting to either have the Taxotere dosage dropped again, or just be on steroids and prednisone till the chemo treatment is done.

I also don't know why I cannot get these paragraphs to have a simple space between them.

Feeling Pretty Good Today, so far.....

Even last night, after the Neulasta shot, I felt pretty regular. No sore muscles, no chills, no weakness. I cooked spaghetti - it wasn't all that good but I got the job done.

Yesterday, I took the last two Steroid pills in the morning and at noon, and had the balls to stop by Starbucks after the Neulasta shot. The Java Chip Frappuccino mixed with the Steroids probably put me into the stratosphere and I overshot the flu-like symptoms. I went back to work and everything was fine. Just wired to the hilt. Kind of like the 60's. Slept fine, of course with help from the drugs they give me.

I'll skip Dr Milne's vitamin drip this time around. One of the ladies in Pilates class told me about Trader Joe's "Emergen-C", many flavors in packets. 24 nutrients with antioxidants and electrolytes and 7 B vitamins. I'll start taking it after the last treatment (10/11). She went through chemo too, and said this stuff boosts her imune system and she feels great. It's cheaper than Dr Milne's vitamin drip too.

We'll see how long this nice feeling lasts. I may need another Frappuccino to keep it going.

Treatment # Four

Well, here we are, back at the Nevada Cancer Institute. I don't know who these people are. I've already had the Benedryl drip baggie so I feel a little groggy. They also give me Steriods which toss in some fidgetyness. I can hear the Taxotere drip, drip, drip. It'll take about an hour, then the Cytoxin will do it's drip for an hour. They, they give me a drip bag of saline solution I would assume to clean out everything

There is a hose that goes from the Port in my arm all the way up the arm and down into my chest. That's the part they have to clean out. This is just not a pretty thing.

Since it was a hop-skip-and-a-jump from treatment #3 to #4, I would assume it's going to go pretty fast from here on out. The nurse sat with me during the Benedryl drip and asked a slew of questions, I think it was to see if I'm having any of the symptoms on their list of symptoms. I haven't been sick yet, haven't had the tingling fingers or toes yet. Had the diarrhea a few times but learned what to stay away from. Really, just the lack of energy, highly emotional, nightmares, anxiety, fear, all the head-trip stuff. That will go away, or maybe I've just always been that way.

I haven't shaved my head. I wanted to see what is going on, all the way through this. The nurse was surprised I still have hair. What hair is still there is growing. I'll have to trim it at some point. I also have eyebrows which surprised her. The main eyebrows are there, I just have to fill in the ends. A Nordstroms Clinique sales lady taught me how to do that so it looks natural. She also showed me how to line the eyes in "blue" of all colors, but it works during chemo. We got smart and cooked a pile of BBQ ribs last night. Should last a while. Fred should have something to eat for a few says.

This was a Good Week (3rd week always is)

Every day was enjoyable.

Hardly passed a Starbucks without stopping. I discovered Starbucks has potato chips. They're the best. My new favorite thing is a Java Chip Frappuccino with a bag of potato chips. It doesn't seem to cause any plumbing problems. It won't work next week, maybe not even the week after, but when the third week comes, I'm back in the saddle.

This is How I Felt Yesterday

I crashed about 3PM. Just couldn't put on the wig and go out into the heat to a grocery store, fight the "for perception" stockboys with their big rolling carts piled with crates of produce, filling the peppers, potatoes, lettuce - just at the time the crowd comes in on a Sunday and can't get their shopping carts down the aisles. Then come home, put things away, wash produce, prepare a meal - I just couldn't do it anymore. I decided to let it all go in the name of laying on the couch and cuddling Scatter Cat. Nothing seemed as important as cuddling Scatter Cat. So we layed on the couch and cuddled. My wonderful Fred went to Smiths and got what we needed for dinner Monday and Tuesday, then went to El Polo Loco and got dinner for Sunday. So there, drama over. Sundays have always been too much. It's a marathon and I never enjoy the dinner because I'm exhausted. The exhaustion with my friend Chemo is different. It involves way too much emotion. I was crying in the shower because I didn't want to put on the wig and battle the heat, etc. I just wanted to cuddle Scatter Cat. Something hit me at that moment. If I continued to cry in the shower, I could lose my balance, fall, break a hip and be in a real fix. Or, I could stop crying in the shower, get out, get dressed - it only takes a few minutes now that I don't have hair to coif, then grab Scat Cat and go downstairs and lay on the couch. So, that's what I did and we soaked up each others goo. No more crying in the shower. That's where mental light bulbs occur. There will be many more, I'm sure.

We're All Just a Bunch of Lab Rats

I'll find out Friday if getting the 2-hour blasts of vitamins/amino acids/minerals will be a problem or not. My guess is they'll say......."Wellllll, we really don't know - there haven't been any tests done." I'm of the opinion that there are two ways to receive chemotherapy. 1) At some shit-hole where they just do to you what they did to the last guy, over and over and over. 2) At a research institute where they just use you to gather data, they're data gatherers.

I've received several responses to my plea for information about my vitamin blasts. They're from both camps - - - - 1) Don't mess with the chemo - let it do it's job, stay off as many vitamins as you can till it's done. 2) Chemo is estrogen sensitive (which is why I am going through this now).

It will be very interesting to see if my Oncologist has anything to say.

Fred's grandson, Shaun, told me to ask the Oncologist to ask the Pharmacist who mixes the cocktail if the vitamin blasts would interfere with either of the chemo's. I thought that was brilliant and will ask on Friday.

Today Things Feel Normal

I've been told by family and friends that the third week, just before the next treatment, I'll start to feel good. That would be today. I feel the air again and can hear the birds. I'm not hot - cold - hot - cold. Just kind of balanced. The next treatment is 8/9 and that will be the half-way mark for the chemo. Almost half way there. After this adjustment in the Taxotere, I don't expect anymore dramatic side-affects. There haven't been any problems (allergies) to the Cytoxin yet.

Tie Up Loose Ends Before #1 Treatment

Still haven't bought a water pick. No more flossing; can't disturb the gums.

Will do tomorrow.

I did go to the Fashion Show Mall this afternoon and bought a couple sun dresses at JJill. Today is my birthday and they give a pretty good discount during your whole BD month.

Fred and I are going to "Nora's" for dinner.

Nancy, you and Bill have been there.

A real good Italian restaurant on our side of town.

I just noticed, behind me, a huge vase of flowers and a bunch of BD cards.

I don't know when he snuck the flowers in here but he did.

No real estate today - phew. That's the first time that's happened in a while. Happy Birthday!!

I had the last 24 Hour Fitness appointment today.....before the chemo starts. Chris, my wonderful workout trainer, is quite young but seems to be up to the task of training a 62-year old on chemo.

This is all new for him too and I'm really touched by how mature and caring he is.

One more day of no chemo....