Treatment # Four

Well, here we are, back at the Nevada Cancer Institute. I don't know who these people are. I've already had the Benedryl drip baggie so I feel a little groggy. They also give me Steriods which toss in some fidgetyness. I can hear the Taxotere drip, drip, drip. It'll take about an hour, then the Cytoxin will do it's drip for an hour. They, they give me a drip bag of saline solution I would assume to clean out everything

There is a hose that goes from the Port in my arm all the way up the arm and down into my chest. That's the part they have to clean out. This is just not a pretty thing.

Since it was a hop-skip-and-a-jump from treatment #3 to #4, I would assume it's going to go pretty fast from here on out. The nurse sat with me during the Benedryl drip and asked a slew of questions, I think it was to see if I'm having any of the symptoms on their list of symptoms. I haven't been sick yet, haven't had the tingling fingers or toes yet. Had the diarrhea a few times but learned what to stay away from. Really, just the lack of energy, highly emotional, nightmares, anxiety, fear, all the head-trip stuff. That will go away, or maybe I've just always been that way.

I haven't shaved my head. I wanted to see what is going on, all the way through this. The nurse was surprised I still have hair. What hair is still there is growing. I'll have to trim it at some point. I also have eyebrows which surprised her. The main eyebrows are there, I just have to fill in the ends. A Nordstroms Clinique sales lady taught me how to do that so it looks natural. She also showed me how to line the eyes in "blue" of all colors, but it works during chemo. We got smart and cooked a pile of BBQ ribs last night. Should last a while. Fred should have something to eat for a few says.

This was a Good Week (3rd week always is)

Every day was enjoyable.

Hardly passed a Starbucks without stopping. I discovered Starbucks has potato chips. They're the best. My new favorite thing is a Java Chip Frappuccino with a bag of potato chips. It doesn't seem to cause any plumbing problems. It won't work next week, maybe not even the week after, but when the third week comes, I'm back in the saddle.

This is How I Felt Yesterday

I crashed about 3PM. Just couldn't put on the wig and go out into the heat to a grocery store, fight the "for perception" stockboys with their big rolling carts piled with crates of produce, filling the peppers, potatoes, lettuce - just at the time the crowd comes in on a Sunday and can't get their shopping carts down the aisles. Then come home, put things away, wash produce, prepare a meal - I just couldn't do it anymore. I decided to let it all go in the name of laying on the couch and cuddling Scatter Cat. Nothing seemed as important as cuddling Scatter Cat. So we layed on the couch and cuddled. My wonderful Fred went to Smiths and got what we needed for dinner Monday and Tuesday, then went to El Polo Loco and got dinner for Sunday. So there, drama over. Sundays have always been too much. It's a marathon and I never enjoy the dinner because I'm exhausted. The exhaustion with my friend Chemo is different. It involves way too much emotion. I was crying in the shower because I didn't want to put on the wig and battle the heat, etc. I just wanted to cuddle Scatter Cat. Something hit me at that moment. If I continued to cry in the shower, I could lose my balance, fall, break a hip and be in a real fix. Or, I could stop crying in the shower, get out, get dressed - it only takes a few minutes now that I don't have hair to coif, then grab Scat Cat and go downstairs and lay on the couch. So, that's what I did and we soaked up each others goo. No more crying in the shower. That's where mental light bulbs occur. There will be many more, I'm sure.

We're All Just a Bunch of Lab Rats

I'll find out Friday if getting the 2-hour blasts of vitamins/amino acids/minerals will be a problem or not. My guess is they'll say......."Wellllll, we really don't know - there haven't been any tests done." I'm of the opinion that there are two ways to receive chemotherapy. 1) At some shit-hole where they just do to you what they did to the last guy, over and over and over. 2) At a research institute where they just use you to gather data, they're data gatherers.

I've received several responses to my plea for information about my vitamin blasts. They're from both camps - - - - 1) Don't mess with the chemo - let it do it's job, stay off as many vitamins as you can till it's done. 2) Chemo is estrogen sensitive (which is why I am going through this now).

It will be very interesting to see if my Oncologist has anything to say.

Fred's grandson, Shaun, told me to ask the Oncologist to ask the Pharmacist who mixes the cocktail if the vitamin blasts would interfere with either of the chemo's. I thought that was brilliant and will ask on Friday.

Spent a Few Days in Long Beach

We drove to Long Beach on Tuesday. 8/17, and drove back on Friday, 8/20. It was week #2 so we figured it would work well. It did. We had lunch with my 91 year old aunt, Geneva, and breakfast with my brother, Steve. Went to the Concert in the Park with friends, did dinner with friends, stayed with friends, all-in-all it was a good week to get away.

Well, I "F*@K"ed up!

Well, here we go again. If I can F!@K up something, I will. I am feeling pretty good today, Monday following treatment. But, Friday was bad, (the week of the treatment) I went to work out at the gym and had NOOOO energy. I could barely even get myself there. Chris, my trainer, was walking to the next exercise and kept turning around to see where I was. I just couldn't get moving. It was the Neulasta shot that causes the flu-like symptoms for a few days. I just fight it. I thought by Friday I could function. I should probably just stay home and lay on the couch and moan and groan like a good little chemo-zombie.

Saturday was almost 1/2 more of a workout than Friday. Chris showed me on his clipboard and it was amazing what I did not do on Friday that I did on Saturday. That Saturday workout really pumps energy into my system. Sunday, in Pylates class, it was a mother of a class, hard as hell (for me), I can tell my muscles are messed up, just want to keep giving out but I tell them to suck it up and just do it. The instructor knows what's going on, and some of the people in the class know too and they're very supportive. One of the ladies went through this in the late 90's and says, "Oh, you'll be fine, just get through it." There are other messed up people in the class and they will still be messed up when I'm done with this chemo/radiation crap.

All's well and I'm feeling better, TILL THIS MORNING, when I talked to Annabelle, the oncologist's nurse. I told her that I felt lousy Thursday and went to Dr Milne for a vitamin drip and she said, "Oh, we don't want you to do that - we aren't sure if the vitamins, etc. feeds the cancer - there's no clinical testing done on that yet." So, I guess I'll hear from the oncologist at some point. In the meantime, I feel good and this week should just get better. Well, I won't be doing anymore vitamin drips at Dr Milne's. I'm "supposed" to feel like crap, it's in the plan. So, crap it will be. I left Annabelle a message because I've been thinking about this and am afraid now that I'll have to redo the chemo drips that I messed up with the vitamin drips.

What a "F*!King" mess!

If anybody knows anything about "vitamins feeding cancer cells", please tell me.....thx!

I Was Wrong.....

Had to go to Dr. Milne this afternoon for a vitamin/amino acid/mineral drip. Still feel shaky, no energy, weak muscles. Sweaty. Everything tastes like salt water. The only thing I really want is watermelon, so I eat watermelon. I hope tomorrow is better.

TREATMENT #3

Monday, 8/9, was Treatment #3. Half-way there.

I tried something different this time in an effort to avoid the flu-like symptoms. I started taking the Advil a couple days before the treatment. Then, on Tuesday, when I had to take the Neulasta shot to boost the white blood cells, I didn't get that dramatic drop in temperature, no chills, just an overall feeling of sore bones - like I needed to stretch out. I'm still taking the Advil for another day or two. That's really all it takes.

This morning, I had a 9AM physical inspection and didn't have time to see how I felt, just had to goooo.

I felt panicky, sweaty, short of breath. I had the anti-anxiety pill in my pocket just in case and remembered at the Support Group they said "take it!" So, I took it and settled down and the time was spent relaxed with the client and the physical inspection went real well.

It seems the week of the treatment and shot is a touch and go week. I don't have any access to the anxiety, it's chemo related and I have to take the little pill. The second week, I have more control, and the third week feels pretty good.

This was the third treatment - the point at which I've been told I'll feel like death warmed over. So far, so good.

This time, they cut the Taxotere by about 40% so my hands won't burn. So far, so good.

They also had me take two Steroid pills the day before the treatment and the day after. The steroids make me wired so I take them early. They're supposed to help with the burning too. Took the last one early today. That's done. I don't know if I'll have to do the steroids for the next 3 times or not. Guess they'll call and tell me what to do - that's how it works.

WE TOOK THE WEEK OFF

We're at the Shakespeare Festival in Cedar City, Utah. This is a good week, the one prior to treatment #3, on Monday, 8/9. Then, Tuesday is the Neulesta shot and I'll feel like I have the flu for the day. Then, we'll see if the decrease in the Taxotere and the extra steroids will keep the sides of the hands from burning. Man, that first week is lousy. I don't even want to cook, shop, anything. It'll probably be our Panda Express, El Pollo Loco week.

Through this hand burning experience, I did find this killer moisturizer called "Lindi". I found it on Google, bought some and it came from New York City, then I found out the Nevada Cancer Institute has the whole line in their gift shop so I bought almost the whole line. They even have a bath gel that works real well on my poor bald head. They have eye gel, face gel, hand cream, body cream, and it's all real deep acting and absorbent.

This last week before treatment is really quite normal, with the exception of the fancy head gear and the smashing wig which I'm getting pretty good at whipping on in a minute. I had a massage this afternoon while Fred played golf. It was probably the best I've ever had. It felt so good on the hands and feet - he even worked on my head and face. Yes, he. I was a little apprehensive but it was an out-of-body experience some of the time.

We're going to a mountain steak house tonight for dinner before the play. I'll probably have wine. Wine does NOT work at all the week of treatment or the week after. But, this week it's rather elegant. After some wine and a steak, and a massage, I'll probably sleep through the play.